Laugh at Me #5: The Annual Chihuahua 5K

This blog is in honor of the best wife EVER! Our anniversary is right around the corner, and this story always makes her laugh so hard she almost stops breathing.

For this embarrassing moment I take you to a time when Autumn and I ran together, and I could keep up. During this time I lived in Springfield, and Autumn would come to visit. We made the decision to run, despite the threat of bad weather.

The run started out like any other run. We were enjoying the so-far beautiful day and randomly running wherever our heart desired. We didn't want to stop. But the clouds lingered in the distance. They were dark and menacing, inching their way closer. We decided to make our way back to the house but it was too late. Rain poured from the heavens. This was not the rain where you went, "OH we're running and this should be refreshing!"  No this is the rain where you say, "Why no sir, I didn't just jump in a river." The droplets were thick, and frankly, I don't like wet socks.

As we were making our way back Autumn saw a moment of relief. Luck would have it, there's a "short cut". It just so happens that this short cut was through the creepy trailer park down the road from my apartment. But I had to give it to her. If we took the gravel path through the trailers and made it to the road on the other side it would take a substantial amount of time off our journey. So the decision was quickly made, and we bravely entered into creepsville.

We soon found out that this "short cut" was not all it was cut out to be. The gravel road came to a dead end, more trailers. Autumn, now drenched, came up with good idea #2. "We can cut between two trailers to the road!" Yes, the road was in plain sight. The problem was the trailers were about 6 feet apart, not much room to work with. We were running through their "back yard".

Despite my weary notions, we ran between the trailer homes. Autumn made it through easy. She was already on the road making her way home, proud of her good decision. I on the other hand was about to hate Autumn's decision. Just as Autumn made it to the road a woman with no teeth released the hounds on me. Four tiny chihuahuas jumped on me like I was a Beggin' Strip. The little things began nipping at my legs, drawing blood, and squealing with their high pitched barks. The whole time they were feasting on my ankles the woman with no teeth kept yelling. I couldn't understand a word she was saying. I didn't know if she was yelling at me or the dogs. It was just... "BLU VIN DOM DUN DOW SHAAA!" I tried to escape, swatting at the little gnats. As I was distracted by the madness the final act of embarrassment came. I slipped in the chihuahuas' trap. It smothered all over my leg... dog poop. There I sat on the ground between these two trailers, covered in dog poop, getting attacked (now they were going for my stomach), and hearing the rants of a toothless woman. The whole time Autumn was impatiently waiting for me to finish.

I finally had enough. I shot up off the ground and ran to freedom. The chihuahuas followed after me for a brief moment, but I was soon in the clearing. As I made it to the apartment Autumn sat on the front porch waiting. I was bleeding, covered in poop, and I guess I looked angry because Autumn said... "Are you upset? You don't look very happy." That's when I told her the whole story. She tried hard not to laugh to protect my feelings but it was inevitable. It didn't take long for me to laugh at it too, and I'm sooo glad this story took place. Why? Because I was blessed with a way to always cheer my wife up, and that's worth all that the crazy toothless ladies can throw at me.